Go and Love What is Mine

“Go and love what is mine.”

I feel the need to begin this blog post by acknowledging the fact that this has a lot to do with speaking with the Lord. Having a conversation with God. This is…honestly something that I never thought was achievable. I scoffed and rolled my eyes or wrestled and struggled with my identity in Christ every time that something like this was brought up, yet now I speak to him, I laugh at some of the things he brings up in my mind. He is my friend. I know that to some this may sound silly, to others, unfair. Truly, if I could give a step by step to this revelation of mine, I would write it down this very moment, probably write a book about it (*Ben Norcia*). The answers to the questions I had about talking to the Lord are now the same answers that I myself give when I am asked. Immerse yourself in the scriptures, in His body, and truly just in Him.

Banks had called our team together to ATL (Ask The Lord) on what He wanted us to hear about our time in Guatemala. All that I could think was “okay here we go again, I never get anything out of this when we do it.” I closed my eyes and asked, “Lord please, if you have anything that you desire for me to be looking for on this trip reveal it to me now.” As if on queue, the word “GO” popped into my brain. Go? That’s it? I’m here now, and I don’t exactly have a choice on whether or not I go to ministry tomorrow or not. “Go — love.” Okay, we’re getting somewhere. Love who? “Go and love what is mine.” YES! I hear You! The thirty minutes of praying then blew by, and I began to get excited at the thought of sharing what I had heard to my teammates, however the Lord had other plans with that phrase…

Finally, a good many days later, the opportunity arose to share what we had heard from the Lord during that time. I shared my piece, with a bit less excitement, but still satisfied that I had heard something. It was, of course, received well. Banks then asked us if we felt that there was something that the Lord wanted us to walk in while we were in Guatemala. “Nope” I thought while sitting, self-satisfied. Conviction hit me like a hammer. “You are getting a little too comfortable.” I needed a walk.

I stepped outside with, truly, that phrase ringing in my head, bouncing around hitting every part of my brain. “You’re too comfortable. You’ve walked out of so much, and I delight in that, but My work doesn’t end when you’re comfortable.” I took a lap around “the cage” (Kayley Purvis) with the only clarity that I could find being, “Why don’t you go take a seat and we’ll really talk.” I had hardly heard the Lord as much as I was right then. I sat down in the grass of the base’s soccer field and just asked. “Alright Lord, what do you want to work on in me this trip?”

A thought permeated my mind, a conversation I had with a leader named Aaron on a very well known piece of scripture. Mark 12: 28-31 says “One of the scribes approached. When he heard them debating and saw that Jesus answered them well, he asked him, “Which command is the most important of all?” Jesus answered, “The most important^[a] is Listen, Israel! The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is, Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other command greater than these.” Aaron highlighted the loving you neighbor AS YOURSELF. Aaron told me that I needed to love myself. “Lord do I not love myself?” I asked hesitantly. “No.”

How? I talk so highly of everyone that I see YOU work through! How could I not love them? After all that piece of scripture says that you love yourself as much as you love others. Another thought, “Envy.” Oh. Envy. I suppose that could be an explanation. Why not tell everyone what you see God doing in others’ lives, maybe they’ll say that they see it in yours. So much confusion and disbelief. The Lord then brought me back to what he had said, “Go and love what is mine.” I am His.

A few days later, after sharing with my team and Banks, I had an opportunity to have a bit of quiet time with the Lord. He brought me to a book I actually forgot existed, Philemon. The third shortest book in the Bible, and the Lord wanted me there. Verse 6 gave me peace, though. “I pray that your participation in the faith may become effective through knowing every good thing that is in us for the glory of Christ.” Every good thing that is in us for the glory of Christ. There is good in me, good worth loving, and it’s all for his glory.

I know this is a bit of a controversial topic and I am honestly leaving out a lot of good conversation and realization from this to try to have a smaller post. But, this body, though temporary and full of sinful desires, can be used for His glory, and is His dwelling place. If I need to “go and love what is His” then I think I need to start with myself! I don’t hate myself, I don’t think that I ever will, but loving yourself is a road that I don’t think I have ever walked in, at least not in a Biblical sense. I would love to talk to anyone about this, and I would love prayer. Thank you all so much once again!